HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016

It’s been a wonderful start to the New Year 2016 and I want to wish you a very Happy, Exciting, Adventurous & as you make it to be; year.  Every year we go through a cycle of how our life is, and sometimes we inevitably go through the same cycle and realize that nothing really changed except the days and months on the calendar. Maybe if we introspect we’d find that there are a lot of learning’s we go through each year, if we take time to ponder, we will see how the learning impacts us and how it fosters newness in all that we do and how we approach our lives. The previous year has been a good year of learning, a lot has changed, not just my place of residence but also life’s perspectives and I’d like to list my top learning’s of 2015.

·      Be Open to Change: At the beginning of 2015, I was still in the old, trying to reinvent the old and survive. But if you want to thrive and not just survive, you got to be open to change.  They say life happens to you while your busy making plans, and rightly so, I was in midst of a meeting pitching for a project, when an sms with an opportunity appeared on my phone, I don’t know why but something drew me to it, I call it the Grace of God, so I politely changed the course of that pitch as listened to the voice of my heart and I am so glad I did. Change is hard in the beginning and it does get messy in the middle, but I can truly vouch for this, its glorious in the end.  

·      Stop Running: We are often caught in a trap of a race and we all seem to be running without knowing where the destination is. Even if we know the destination, it’s the journey that we need to look forward and pay attention too. It’s not necessary to live life chronologically, we are humans and not machines, but life seems to be programmed and we are doing things either based on our age or circumstance. We need to do the things we want to do and we’d love doing. We shouldn’t blame age or circumstance for it, for the same boiling water than hardens an egg, also softens a potato.

·      Benefit of Doubt: Many times most of our understanding of a situation/person is based on our perception and hence there will always be a gap unless we are angelic and have in us divine wisdom. As human as we are, we are going to err, therefore it is only reassuring not just us but to every situation/person we interact with to give me them the benefit of doubt. In doing so I found that situations and people stop getting complex and life becomes much more simpler.

·    Let go: I don’t quite remember the name of the movie, but I very clearly remember the dialogue, in which Aamir Khan’s character blurts, that we as human live with one leg in the past and one leg in the future and all we’re doing is piddling on our present! and how true is that. We got to let go of all that was in the past; it rightfully belongs where it is, from past relationships to old resentments to grudges. We got to learn to let go of all the could’ve have and should’ve and free ourselves of past burdens we cannot change. 

·      God is Good:  I saved this for the last, cos this had to be a show stopper, I mean we all pray to God, but do we in the truest sense really know who God is; perhaps most of us don’t cause if we knew who God really was, then we wouldn't hurt so much, knowing full that God has our best interest and has placed where we need to be. To me this year has been a year of knowing, trusting and having a deep relationship with God, I didn’t do it on my own, it was His Grace and the people around me that help build it. But it all began because I took the first step. It is said seek and you will find, which is so true, All you have to do is seek him and once you come to know of him, you too will say God is Good.

I hope this sharing inspires you to make 2016 a year that you want it to be, may this New Year give you ample opportunity to make it a better than your previous one and my prayer for you is to find motivation, courage and strength to seize those opportunities!

Cheers & God Bless,

Ash

That Thing Called Love...

I don’t know what really to call it, intriguing, amusing, impulsive etc etc and for all the words that don’t seem to come into my head to put into perspective what I want to say. I wanna talk about hmmm… you know what, and given that I love the filmy world, let me tell you a story, and I’ll stick to the characters made famous in Bollywood -  Rahul and Anjali…

Yup, you might have heard their names - Rahul and Anjali. They had never met before, they belonged to their own worlds and were comfortable in that space. And one fine day, as fate would have it, they crossed paths, at a common friend's typical page3 type party, but unlike cinematic journeys, this one was real, wherein they didn't stop and stare at each other, nor did violins play in the background. They were aware of the other’s presence, like at every party one is aware, but carried on with what they were doing mingling and dancing in good spirits, which was what all do at parties.

Life went back to normal and the two didn't even have memories of each other. But as fate would have it, they'd meet ‘again’, but this time it’s a not a hulabaloo kinda social gathering, but a close knit family affair. Rahul’s best friend had gone to see a girl, you know, the arranged marriage types, and that girl was Anjali’s first cousin. What a small world it is!!! So when the two familiar faces met, what happened next? No, they din’t break in to a song sequence. The personality type of the two individuals was far different from those we've seen on screen, and in this case, both of them were complete introverts, and let me tell you, similar personality types attract even better than opposites. Coming back, it was after a little fumble and some small talk, that Rahul and Anjali finally got know each other and with that phase1 was now complete. So what is this phase 1? Well, I’ll come back to it a little later… Moving on, as time passed by, the distance got shorter, and a 1000 sms, whatsapp, likes, comments, tweets, pings, later, like a typical scene out of a film, one proposed and the other accepted. No, it wasn't for a big fat Indian wedding; it was for some shuddh desi romance, which happened over coffee, cinema, Chowpatty and some more coffee. Phase 2 completed. Yea, now I know I haven’t told you what phase 1 was, and I am already talking about phase 2.

Relax, I will not only tell you about phase 1 & 2 but will also tell you all about all the 3 phases together. Yup, there are three. As the bond grew, somewhere and somehow so did the space, perhaps Rahul and Anjali had their own lives to manage and deal with and one thing led to another. Every conversation turned into a misunderstanding and that led to lesser talk, which led to even more misunderstandings till finally, there was no talk and that was the phase 3.

Together put, this is how it went:

· Phase 1: From being strangers to friends

· Phase 2: From being friends to more than friends

· Phase 3: And from being more than friends to complete strangers again

And this is what I find hard to put into words - the three steps - all put together, you can call it whatever you want, maybe for some it might be intriguing, to some other amusing, or maybe even impulsive. But I guess it is best described as ‘Crazy little thing called Love…’

The Gud Ol' Dhobitalao

In a certain generation not too long ago, if you said Dhobitalao, you meant Little Goa.

In Toronto, Canada where I live, there is little Italy, little Greece, little Portugal, little India and even, just outside of Toronto, an entire suburb (officially called Brampton) known as Khalistan, where all the Sardars live.
 

Brampton used to be a farming area populated by whites, until the Sardars moved in. Now it is a place which abounds in Punjabi samosas, sarson-ka-saag and 'lawyers' who 'help' you with settling personal injury car accident claims. But you will not find any little Goa.

Now, to get back to Dhobitalao.

That area of Bombay was home to a large dhobi migrant community from UP that worked from a pond that was originally built by the Parsis to supply their Agiaries. Over time, as the water got stagnated, they turned it over to the dhobis who needed exactly such a spot to base their trade in  the city. Eventually, the pond was cemented over and the Parsis built residential buildings which they gave over as rentals to newcomers in Bombay.

It was exactly in such a condition that the first Goans started moving in. Soon the area was overflowing with Goan migrants who chose to live together, God knows why, given the crab mentality for which the community is famed. Not only did they live in harmony, but also in relative peace, although a typical large family of seven or eight lived in one room no bigger than 300 to 500 sq feet.

 In that space they hatched, matched and were dispatched.

Dhobitalao, as I knew it, was Goan enough to be known to the rest of Bombay and even outside and the Middle East, as the Goan hub outside Goa. Among well known features of the area were oasis of large rooms of about 1,500 sq feet or more in very old dilapidated buildings that became the homes of Goan Village Clubs about which much has been written. What I will add is, that the living conditions there were absolutely pathetic. But then, living in Portuguese Goa of the time was equally so, despite the large village spaces.

If this description has put in your mind a decrepit neighborhood you would not be entirely wrong, but I have not yet made a reference to the vibrancy of the place. Dhobitalao was the Bronx of the 1930s. People hung out their washed clothing to dry and sat on their building terraces. The terraces were the community arenas where every social celebration took place.  A birthday, a dance and even movie shows. Everyone was invited, both from the building and everywhere  else. Prohibition was in force and Aunty's famous rotgut was served.

On one occasion, while learning German from a Saligao resident of Indra Bhuvan , I was called to watch a movie on the terrace. The boys running the projector sat precariously with their equipment on a small patch on the roof, the white painted wall was the screen and the bar was lined along one side.

There were all kinds of home cooked snacks on a table and everybody sat hunched on the floor in the dark of an 8 pm evening. I don't remember the name of the movie, but it was smuggled in by the Goan usher of the nearby Metro cinema. There was dancing after the movie but by then I had left as I had a long hike back home to Byculla.

Dhobitalao's Main Street extended from the Sonapur Church (Dolours) to Crawford market, a distance of about 1 km. Along the way were butcher shops selling fresh pork, and the famous C D'Souza's and Vienna restaurants which were frequented by lonely sailors between trips.

They served excellent Goan-Bombay fusion food at ridiculously low prices. In 1965, you could get a plate of sorpotel, a loaf of bread and Crumb Chops (pork chops fried with batter and bread crumbs) followed by a plate of rice with fish curry and a fried mackerel on the side. It was excellent value.

 On Dhobitalao streets, other restaurants abounded. Along Main Street were also a couple of wax candle shops. Thinking about it now, I  wonder what kept them in business. Perhaps it was the yearly fairs at which body parts made of wax were sold. Main Street was the show-piece of Dhobitalao. Other side streets were not so clean nor as spacious.

There were the Wellington Terraces, a group of four buildings within a rough stony compound that was a village all by itself. Everybody in Dhobitalao had a relative or villager in Wellington. Outside Wellington were all sorts of trades-people - tailors, darners, cobblers and others.  All were excellent craftsmen and I remember my dad taking me to a cobbler there to custom make my leather shoes even though we lived in Byculla. Perhaps part of the reason might have been the opportunity to visit one of his friends where a glass of hooch was assured.

Within Dhobitalao on the southern and eastern ends, were the Irani restaurants about which the Canadian-Goan writer Marcos Catao has recently written. Two of them were Sassanian and Bastani. They made the best bread puddings and the most flaky and light meat patties that melted on your tongue. The pani-kum chai was a great chaser to these snacks.

A little beyond Bastanis was the standing place of the 'Dhobitalao Bandsters'. These were not band members but individual musicians who waited to be hired for any wedding or other occasion. They were not a cohesive unit and may never have played with the others, but once they were selected, without practice, they performed as if they were an accomplished orchestra.

That is a great thing about Goans. They make awesome musicians. Partly in the genes and partly due to their village choir-master training, playing is across the spectrum. In all the great Bombay swing bands of the sixties and seventies, like Micky Correia, Johnny Baptist, Maurice Concessio, Goody Seervai, Nelly, Ken Mac and Hal Green, the majority of the musicians were Goans. Nowhere could this be seen better than in Dhobitalao.

 A walk down the street of any neighborhood, especially after sunset, would produce harmonious wafting sounds of  lilting Portuguese marches and sambas, tangos, classical mandos, and even Louisana blues and Hollywood music scores. It was truly a music fest per gratis.

At the heart of Dhobitalao was the Sonapur (or officially, Dolours) Church. Women with sleeveless dresses were sent away from the Communion railing without the host and the ones without veils or scarves on their heads were publicly berated. Khomeini must have learnt his state-craft from the Sonapur priests.

But these same priests  did not bother the men folk. These they considered to be without redemption. As soon as the priest stepped to the pulpit to start the preaching, the men made off to C. D'Souza's next door for coffee and cigarettes. What they didn't hear, they didn't care about.

The vicar even attempted to put a loudspeaker inside C D'Souza's so as to disturb all conversation there during sermon time, but that only resulted in coffee-talk rising many decibels higher. Eventually their volumes outdid the loudspeaker, permeated the church and disturbed the semonizing priest himself. The vicar conceded defeat and removed the loudspeaker.

Religious feast processions winding through the streets of Dhobitalao were very unruly. There would be a massive crowd of people setting out from the church but as each Aunty's speakeasy was passed along the way, the numbers of men would get less and less until at the door of the church on returning, the only males in the procession were either below fifteen or those banned from their favorite Aunty's bars due to non-payment or the very frail who wanted nothing but peace with their God whom they were due to meet soon.

The boys and girls of Dhobitalao were indoctrinated in the value of education by their parents, whether they went to the nearby Jesuit school of St Xavier's or to Little Flower, St Sebastian, St Thresa's or Dolours. They might have had no place to study except under the dim lights of the passageways or during late nights with their parents' snores for company, but they learned their lessons well. Here in Toronto, there are many of those once-Dhobitalao-youngsters. They are 'solid buggers' now and their children go for the best higher education there is in Canada.

When my children were young kids growing up in Canada, we told them to eat their vegetables and not leave them. My wife used to  tell them, "Think of the starving children in India and finish the dinner."  And now they tell their children, "Finish your homework. Think of the children in India who would make you starve if you don't!"



~ Author unknown

Bitter Love

A friend of mine came to me with a problem, that has existed for years now, yes he was upset and upset because, someone he loved, had hurt him, now thats not something new, you're only hurt by someone you love, for when you don't love someone, what he/she does, doesn't really matter, so coming back to this friend and his problem that he was hurt, very honestly what I felt the real problem was not him being hurt,  but it was something that I call the contrarian problem of Bitter Love. And so my mind wanders in thinking that;

The bitter anguish that sometimes touches the heart is perhaps a result of possessive love not meeting what its seeks. 

Yes love is possessive and if not, its not love. 

But then again possession can at times turn obsession; 

we all know that obsessive can be a disorder. 

So does that mean love can be a disorder???

I guess not, for love brings order in chaos, it turns a frown upside down into a smile and its even the key ingredient to make movies run;

but most of all, it only gives, then how can love be possessive? 

Authors, poets, thinkers, dreamers, film-makers and patisserie bakers have for long made love an inspiration to their work, the result of which is always a delight to read, see and taste. 

So how then can love ever be responsible for the bitter anguish that sometimes touches the heart. 

Then again love is naive, tender and gentle, and will respond only in a manner it knows and is;

Maybe when love is not on the other side;

its the hurt the brings about the high tide...
So next time you feel bitter,
don't fret or jitter,
cos what you wanted to share was love, 

but to the shared your love seemed curt,
And that perhaps, was the reason you were hurt.

And No I did not give this explanation to my friend, 

cos deep down I knew, it was not yet, the end.

Off Weighty Issues

Take some time out, as you read what I write, and think back of the moment you last met someone after while, barring the towns and villages, the new fad of greeting seems to have shifted to ‘OMG look at you, you have put on WEIGHT’ (that’s really the last thing the person would want to hear) or ‘OMG look at you, you have lost so much of weight (and to take the credit from your actual weight loss the sentence continues with) are you keeping well’? Seriously have we really forgotten the ‘What’s up’.

You might feel that this one’s not for me, but come to think of it, at some point in time it will be an eventuality. Now I ain’t trying to throw my weight around proving a point, but it’s that thought, which weighs on my mind, making me wonder that if it’s really worth weighing something so trivial, that every ounce of your life, is a pound and more…  

Till recently, the fad I hear was size: zero and now add to that a new dimension call sub-zero!!! Aarrghh who in hell really comes up with these… Now I may sound a bit heavy about what I am talking, but let me clarify that I ain’t against being healthy and hearty, I am just pressing on the fact that we tend to give too much importance to the wrong things/ways. 

For once can we then look at the person within and not outside and even if we do, lets realize that it’s not about the weight, it’s about ‘what’; to be more precise ‘What’s Up’. And in-case we do forget, our best friends; Facebook and Twitter are always there to remind us; as even they ask; what’s on your mind??? And what are you doing??? Respectively. Thank God for Facebook and Twitter, at least they don’t throw their weight around... :P